22.

T-Rex Chicken

With this entry I will have officially established a chicken theme. If I’m being perfectly honest with myself, I love chickens—cartoon chickens mostly, Muppet chickens and Chicken Boo in particular (“He wears a disguise to look like human guys, but he's not a man, he's a Chicken Boo”). Even the word “chicken” makes me happy, mostly because it reminds me of laughing with Meg about the time dad fell asleep in front of the t.v. and suddenly said “chicken”—completely out of nowhere, “chicken”—followed shortly after by “chunk.” But the real reason for tonight’s chicken theme is that I’ve potentially uncovered the secret behind the April Chicken of Doom.

It’s simple: chickens evolved from dinosaurs. In studying soft tissue that was recovered from a T-Rex bone found in Montana, scientists have discovered that dinos and chickens are “first cousins.” The proteins from the T-Rex match those in modern-day poultry—they are “evolutionary kin.” I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I have been living in fear of the April chicken for years now. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but blood-hungry ruler of the prehistoric world just makes a lot of sense.

I know the risk I’m running here, Ab. It’s watching me, right now, and it knows that I know. But listen April Chicken of Doom, I’m totally okay with the whole T-Rex thing—so you’re part dinosaur, I’m okay with that. Tiny hands, mean eyes. And no, last week I did not draft designs of a small hat to glue over your head claw. I have nothing but respect.