55.

Perspective

Riding my bike this morning, I passed by four protesters at the corner of Speedway and Campbell. The four of them were gathered at that busy intersection to take on the issues of global warming, the war in Iraq, and teenage drug use. My anxiety over taking on too much with chapter five was put quickly into perspective.

54.

Book Anxiety

There is something about my fifth floor library study carrel that feels very unsafe. Every time I’m in there I sense that I am in immediate physical danger, exactly the way I feel when I’m on an airplane. When I’m in my study carrel, I vividly, often subconsciously, imagine all of the horrible things that could happen to me in there. When I get out safely I always feel relieved, and a little surprised—again, like an airplane. I cannot shake the feeling that the building is going to slip out from underneath me, that the floor will suddenly fall and the walls will cave in, burying me deeply in library rubble. Yes. I’m worried that I won’t get my dissertation done on time. Yes. I’m worried that I won’t make it at Stanford. Thinly veiled metaphors aside, everyday I honestly believe that I might be buried alive in books.