Book Anxiety
There is something about my fifth floor library study carrel that feels very unsafe. Every time I’m in there I sense that I am in immediate physical danger, exactly the way I feel when I’m on an airplane. When I’m in my study carrel, I vividly, often subconsciously, imagine all of the horrible things that could happen to me in there. When I get out safely I always feel relieved, and a little surprised—again, like an airplane. I cannot shake the feeling that the building is going to slip out from underneath me, that the floor will suddenly fall and the walls will cave in, burying me deeply in library rubble. Yes. I’m worried that I won’t get my dissertation done on time. Yes. I’m worried that I won’t make it at Stanford. Thinly veiled metaphors aside, everyday I honestly believe that I might be buried alive in books.
4 comments:
Wow, you've taken subconscious fear to a whole new level here, Kel. Can you switch carrels? Do you feel this way in -- crap, where's that place you go work all the time where they actually know who you are? I keep wanting to say Borders which is making it impossible for me to remember the real name. Anyway, do you feel this way there?
Also, you'll get done. You'll finish on time. And you'll kick ass at Stanford. They know it, I know it, the jealous bitches know it -- you should catch up to the rest of us and know it, too.
To be honest, it's the entire library. And I have to heard over there now. To be crushed.
"Heard over there"? What's wrong with me??
I'm sorry. That sucks. BENTLEY'S!!! That's what it's called.
Anyway, I don't know what to tell you here, how to get around this phobia. Grab the books and run?
Yikes, I guess. Yikes is about all I can say to that. Grad school is incredibly stressful.
Wow, how lame was that?
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